


nervous energy

by orphan_account



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Kakusei | Fire Emblem: Awakening
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Child Abuse, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Graphic Description, Lowercase, Mental Health Issues, Physical Abuse, Rating May Change, Unreliable Narrator, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-10
Updated: 2017-02-10
Packaged: 2018-09-20 11:55:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9489965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Coping with a monster that takes residence in your head is no easy feat, but for Chrom, she will try.





	

**Author's Note:**

> an alternate universe within an alternate universe.

she is eleven and blood drips from her eyes, her nose. her knees are covered in scabs and stained with crimson, from festering wounds that haven't yet been given time to heal. she is so, so tired and every exhalation and inhalation alike take every fiber of her being to force from her lips and she wishes she could stop breathing completely. she is slumped against the wall and her eyelids are so heavy and she just wants to drift away in a peaceful slumber where there are no dragon gods, no worlds to destroy, no expectations, and none of this matters.

he won't let her, though, and she wants to say,  _i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm not good enough choose someone else please i can't do it i can't i can't i can't_. but she must conserve every ounce of energy that remains and speaking will only further exhaust her and she _knows_ he won't let her be until she does what he wants.

 _get up_ , he tells her and there is no sympathy in his voice,  _get up and do it_.

 _i can't,_ she sobs and her throat is raw and sore and his expression darkens and she wishes she had no mouth to speak with, no lungs to breathe with.

her cheek burns before he even slaps her and she is crying harder now, blood and tears intermingling and spilling onto the floor. she is gasping for breath and she is so, so tired.

 _do it_ _!_ he is yelling now and she can't even remember what spell he wants her to perform she just wants to sleep and never wake up. 

he is staring down at her and his eyes are the same color as hers, a bright amethyst and there is not a flicker of pity, nothing but disappointment and anger and she is begging,  _please please please i'll finish it later just let me sleep i am so tired i am so tired i am so tired please_.

he whacks her knees, her hands, her arms, with his cane and more blood spills from her veins. the red contrasts against her dark skin and suddenly all she can think about is how unfair it all is.

she knows there is a monster that lies dormant in her head, though she doesn't know why the monster picked her to live in. it whispers to her often; sometimes its words are soft and comforting, like when she is huddled in a corner and crying for all she is worth,  _it is not your fault, not your fault,_ that _you are destined for greater things and one day you will destroy everyone who has dared lay a hand against you_. she trusts the voice, for it is the only constant in her life, the only friend she knows that will not leave her.

but sometimes it does more- it awakens and she can hear its roaring until there is nothing else she can make sense of. it screams fury that is not her own and she becomes a mere puppet, a slave to its will. 

she can feel the electricity surging through her limbs, providing her with newfound energy. a faint tingling moves down her neck, a crawling under her skin, an itch she cannot scratch, always at the back of her head. the pain, the horrible, horrible pain, is forgotten, overshadowed by a red, hot growing anger that swells in her mind until she cannot think clearly, cannot think to warn her father that the monster is awake.

the monster screams at him in her voice,  _i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you_ , over and over again, though her voice cracks and her throat is raw and sore and she can taste the metallic tang of blood. adrenaline pumps through her veins and she lunges at him without warning, her hands clamped around his throat and the monster is yelling,  _i hate you die die die die die die._

even with the power of a beast, she is still but a little girl and her father could throw her off if he wanted to, flick her against the wall, incinerate her to ashes, electrocute her and leave her writhing, paralyzed to die. but he doesn't. instead, he is grinning at her, goading her to hurt him.

 _yes, yes, yes! good! i've kept you locked up down here all your life! i've forced you to work on your magic until you bleed and cry and i hurt you and hit you and cause you pain? don't you_ hate  _it? don't you hate_ me _?_

 _i hate you_ , it snarls and the monster wrestles her father to the ground and she fears that the ground beneath her feet will crumble from the power of its wrath.  _stop it stop it stop it_ , she begs it, but it is not until exhaustion finally overtakes her body and there is nothing more the monster can do that her grip loosens around his throat and she falls to the floor, the anger dissipating into nothingness and leaving an empty space in her head.

her father stands up and the monster is dormant once more. she kneels at his feet. her forehead, damp with sweat and blood, presses against the coldness of the steel ground and she folds her hands and says,  _i'm sorry, father. please forgive me_. 

he says,  _look at me,_ and robin obeys. the horrible, horrible smile remains and there are far too many teeth. the monster begins to growl and snarl its fury again, but they both are but a cornered animal now, at the mercy of her father and he could kill her with a careless flick of the wrist, dispel her as easily he could a fly. she knows he will not, though, she is too important.

for a second, a minute, an hour, and eternity, he does not speak and all she can hear is that occasional _drip drip drip_ of her blood falling to the floor and her labored gasps for air. finally, he says,  _good_. she feels relief swarming her thoughts, drowning out the resentment of the monster's dark murmurs and her father tells her,  _you did well. you may rest now_ , and his voice is gentle and reassuring and she wonders how she could have ever felt anything but love and admiration for her kind and merciful father. she doesn't deserve to be spared, not when she has failed so miserably, but she finds the strength to stand up and whisper her gratitude.

he wraps his arms around her and says,  _i'm sorry for hurting you, little bird. but, i had no choice, you see?_ and she hums her agreement and he guides her up the stairs.

the monster sneers and whispers angrily to her, but she pretends not to hear.

**Author's Note:**

> this was kind of inspired by some events from my early childhood. i like the idea that robin has outbursts because of her mental illnesses, which validar interprets as being related to grima. idk, i just like projecting onto characters i like. i'm kind of torn between robin having a relatively peaceful childhood because validar doesn't want to piss off a dragon god incarnate and robin has a terrible, abusive childhood and suffers from severe trauma because of it. both backstories have their own merit, i think.
> 
> i'm not really sure where i want to go with this, but whatever. this was a flashback, so the shepherds will be in the next chapter. thank you for reading.


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